Last night I attended an intro workshop at Sheila Kelly’ S Factor in Los Angeles, CA. Many women attended for reasons much greater than losing weight. These women desired to connect with their feminine side, and to bring sexy back into their lives. For each of them it was unique. It may have been a first connection or even a reconnection five years postpartum.
My whole life I feel I’ve been exploring and making choices to experience different levels of femininity and being a female in this world. However, the southern religious society I was born into praised “prim and proper”, and a proper woman had a role to fulfill according to religion and cultural traditions.
In high school, I was a cheerleader and played soccer. Cheerleaders and the dance team were constantly slut shamed. Soccer players and other women’s sports teams were often labeled lesbians, which was not as accepted as it is now. (Times are thankfully changing). The labeling, which was intended to be negative, came not only from males, but also grown adults and other females. You see, as a female, no matter your choice in sport or activity outside your comfort zone, you would be heckled and would have to develop some thick skin if you wanted to proceed.
Often times society is intimidated by change, curiosity, and courage. Society much prefers that one conforms and not disrupt.
Not having had a mature, non-religious conversation around sex, periods, and female sensuality, I was forced to discover my body and my body’s desires on my own in this big ‘ol crazy world. For the time being, let’s just say that I did not wait for marriage to have sex. I started my research in high school and continued into college and well into my adult life, where I still experiment. I have experienced heart ache as well broken some hearts. I met some beautiful humans along my journey and some humans desperately seeking love. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, abused, and hit complete rock bottom; AND YET, I would not have changed any of my experiences along my journey so far. Without those experiences, I would have never learned to express myself, discovered a sensual side of me, nor embraced being sexy. All of that would still be lying dormant inside of my frustrated body. Without those breakdowns, obstacles, and rock bottom, I would have never grown and evolved. I could write pages about sexual self discovery, but that’s for another time and place.
Back to my most experience at S Factor with these brave, courageous women who showed up for self discovery. I’d encourage you to look at the big picture of your life. Many of us identify as athletes, especially as being a woman athlete is becoming more and more accepted. We eat, sleep, and fuel our bodies with an athlete mentality. We demand a lot out of our body and operate at high levels almost daily. This very rigid, routine, and logical training identifies more with our masculine energy. That is okay! However, we are designed to have both masculine and feminine in harmony, a continuous balancing act.
The motherhood transition, especially the experience of birth, is an opportunity to connect with the divine. Birth is transformational. Mind, body, and soul are playing the game. The masculine and the feminine sides of our beings are requested to show up for birth - vaginal or cesarean. Pregnancy and birth are never something that we check all the boxes and the birth we want is presented to us. Postpartum rarely feels like the expectations we created. Many times, this is because we, as a society, are trying to conform the process of birth into protocols, numbers, and charts. Birth is the ultimate expression of humanity, both the masculinity and femininity, and must be felt just as much as it is monitored and charted.
As you prepare for your birth or as you heal from your birth, I’d encourage you to explore your feminine energy. This means embracing your curves, connecting fluid movements, practicing sensuality, and learning to trust your intuition. You are connecting the masculine and the feminine, the brain and the heart.
- Rub coconut oil all over your body: put on music, go in slow sensual circles, and touch every part of your gorgeous body.
- Take a bath: many of us connect bath and sexy so light candles, put on some music, and touch yourself.
- Walk around naked: this is especially important as you prepare for birth, because more often than not, women choose to labor naked.
- Look at your naked body in the mirror: pick out ONE THING you love about yourself in this moment.
- Dance! : put on some music and just dance to one song or five. Move your beautiful body.
Love your body. Have fun. Do not hesitate to touch yourself. It feels so damn good!
Lindsey Mathews, DC